moustaches, mates, and matrixes
jan '24
In a year where one of my biggest resolutions is to write 12 monthly newsletters and grow the subscriber count by 1000%, I’m fashionably late to deliver the first one. Better late than never, right?
On the first day of 2024, I woke up to a view of the beach and a moustache-less face. The former can be explained simply as a family trip to Destin, FL, where we got lucky with a beautiful airbnb just steps away from a beach. The latter was my attempt at a “fresh start”. It’s been 40 months since I shaved my moustache, and it had been met with mixed reviews along the way. I’m not one to give abundant amounts of regards to others’ opinions of my appearance but the moustache debate is one I enjoyed. For me, it became a thing of comfortability - I felt comfortable with it but I also lost track of what I looked like before the moustache. So as an ode to change and transformation, plus a curiosity for what I would look like without the moustache, I shaved it off.
I say this to say: forgive my delay - I was busy building sandcastles and shaving on new years day. Ten days later, we’ve made headway, and I think you’ll find it worth the wait.
i’m feeling lucky
This month’s playlist is filled with energy, optimism, and rhythm - all motifs that I feel are important at the start of anything new. I won’t say too much, I’ll let the music speak for itself. Enjoy!
[Archive playlist can be found here, and in my spotify bio]
friction
I remember a science experiment I did in early grade school, maybe 1st or 2nd, where the concept of friction was first introduced to me. After a few hours of instruction on the concept and its applications in real life, they tasked us with finding examples of friction around our house. The experiment’s made us prove the imminent effect of friction on a golf ball and explore how it rolls on 3 different surfaces of our choice - the final product to be aesthetically presented on a poster board and presented to the class. I have no shame in painting a nerdy picture of myself as a child so I’ll tell you that I loved every bit of this assignment: the tactility, the sillyness, the craft-making and everything else. My final product was a tri-fold poster board with 3” square pieces of hardwood floor, carpet, and rubber glued to the center section with photos and text cutouts adorning the side flaps, with a neon yellow golf ball sat in front of the board. The title on the top of the board read “Friction is Fun!” in Comic Sans, accompanied by an anthropomorphic image of a golf ball.
This science project came to mind when I read this piece by Rosie Spinks. In this piece, she writes about the problems that arise in friendships as you transition into your 30s. I’m not quite there yet but I resonate heavily with this excerpt:
“Friendships are, by their very nature, made of friction. To know what is going on in someone’s day-to-day life, to make plans with them, and then reschedule those plans when someone inevitably gets sick, and then bring over Calpol or soup or an extra laptop charger. To water their plants while they’re away, to ask them to take your kids when you’re feeling sad, or for help getting rid of mice in your house. To show up for the walk you planned even when you’re a vulnerable anxious mess — this is all friction.
And friction is not just interrupting your day or life to help out a friend, but also admitting you need the kind of help you cannot pay for or order yourself. To pierce through your veil of seamless productivity and having-it-together to say: I need something from you, can you help me?”
I’d like to add that friction - for me - is not just a byproduct of friendships or a means of qualifying friendships, but rather a metric of the depth of human relationships and their intricacies. Those who read this letter will understand that what we knew as friendship as children, was a hyper-tactile form of interaction. Unmonitored moments on driveways, reckless moments on second-hand bicycles and mischevious games in a basement. The depth in these moments came from how much vulerability, respect, and closeness we shared with each other. Friction, as we knew it then, was not some force of resistance that slowed us down, but rather a catalyst of our enjoyment.
Friction takes kinetic energy and turns it into thermal energy. In the process, it causes things to slow down.
I know y’all love when I find an obscure science quote and then metaphorize it into a piece of anthropological nonsense… right? This quote is the result of a google search that read: “friction creates energy?” And if we translate this oversimplification of friction into friendships, we have this:
kinetic energy = tactile activities
thermal energy = metric of intimacy
slow down = longevity
It’s impossible to make a list of friction-full, tactile activities that could fit this equation but the beauty in successful friendships lie in their unpredictability and ugliness (for a lack of better words). The moments I spent rescuing a bird from a fire escape, negotiating a silly fender-bender in LA, and retreiving a lost iphone after a night of drinking, are the ones that bear the most intimacy. The people that shared these experiences with me were all subject to the same friction I experienced. That friction creates rare energies that cultivate intimacy and closeness, therefore building longevity! Especially in a world where we are coerced into optimization and efficiency, it’s rare to find moments of friction. Predictive technologies and frictionless mechanisms inch us closer to if/then binaries instead of humanized interactions. We are forced to put in more effort to create natural friction in our friendships, seeking unique activations of energy and moments that could mean something 10 years from now.
When I look back on the science experiment from grade school, I see how there was value in testing the golf ball on different surfaces. Each surface had a provided level of friction and none were better than the other, they were just different. The hardwood barely had an effect - the golf ball rolled smoothly, uninterrupted. The rubber mat slowed the golf ball down but regardless, it kept rolling. And the carpet made the golf ball come to a full stop. Without leaning too far into the anthropomorphism, I’d question what the golf ball’s intent was…
A) to get to where it was going?
B) to enjoy the roll?
C) to stop?
D) all of the above?
I’d easily argue for D; albeit, I was never good at multiple choice. Friction might manifest in unsuspecting ways and often too, but it’s important that we don’t over-optimize our lives and rid ourselves of all friction. It’s difficult to define the meaning of friction within friendships but if friction increases thermal energy and causes time to slow down, then we must embrace the act of friendships. It’s a labor of love, they say. To ask a friend for a favor or to be there when needed; to spontaneously meet or to routinely catch-up every month is all to put yourself in moments of friction. Friction is interesting, friction is different - It strengthens relationships and imbues us with a sense of depth and intimacy we might have never achieved.
As my 7-year-old self once proclaimed atop a tri-fold board: friction is fun!
This is the bullshit they didn’t ask for in science class and frankly, it’s may not be what you asked for either - but this is how my mind works. Happy new year.
through my eyes
This photo was taken on an iPhone 11 and comes to you from the Okaloosa Island Pier. I held my camera a handful of times in December but couldn’t find enough incentive to make great photos. This one came spontaneously in the dwindling days of 2023.
I do hope for more photos in 2024 however - I’ve made a resolution to shoot 100 frames each month. With mere ounces of optimism in my writing and a fervent desire to set metric-ed resolutions, we’ll see how long this one lasts.
unknown knowns
In a press conference held on February 12, 2002 at the Pentagon, U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was forced to field questions from reporters at a time of heightened concern and interest surrounding the situation in Iraq. Keep in mind, this was the post 9/11 period when the U.S. was actively considering military action against Iraq. In response to a reporter's question about the evidence for Iraq's involvement with Weapons of Mass Destruction, Rumsfeld provided a now-famous and somewhat convoluted explanation:
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don't know we don't know."
Rumsfeld's statement became widely quoted and analyzed, with the term "unknown unknowns" entering the public discourse. Critics argued that it highlighted the inherent uncertainties and complexities of knowledge, while the press had a field day skewering his smirking delivery of the quote. Moreover, the phrase garnered attention and discourse from intelligence professionals, psychologists and writers from around the world. Many were quick to note that Rumsfield didn’t invent this concept, with sources coming from American psychologists who invented the “unknown unkowns” in the Johari window, NASA astrophysicists, and even this New Yorker article from 1982 that uses the phrase in the context of metal fatigue in airliners.
Nonetheless, let’s break down Rumsfield’s statement:
Known Knowns: These are things that we are aware of and understand.
Known Unknowns: There are things that we are aware of, but do not understand.
Unknown Unknowns: There are things that we are not aware of, and do not understand.
In a visual matrix form, it looks like this:
You’ll notice that I left out one of the boxes when initially describing Rumsfield’s matrix: Unknown Knowns - things we aren’t aware of but do understand. Apparently this was added by Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek who claimed this quadrant is where we “refuse to acknowledge what we know.” In a 2013 autobiography film titled The Unknown Known, Rumsfield defines “unkown Knowns” as "things that you know, that you don't know you know.” Others say these could be implicit assumptions, unspoken knowledge, or cultural insights that we may not be aware of or may not have communicated.
There are a myriad of psychoanalytic proofs I could take to dissecting this quadrant of “unknown knowns” but I’m more intrigued by how “unknown knowns” could exist in familiar situations and simple decision-making. This quadrant has often been overlooked and discarded as a queasy contradiction and I think I get why: it dabbles in subjectivity and human error. Unlike known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns… “unknown knowns” are not binaries - they are simply bits of knowledge shrouded by a veil of influence in the form of uncertainty, miscommunication, biases, triggers, and/or heuristics.
Uncertainty: In uncertain situations, you may unconsciously rely on familiar coping mechanisms or default to “safety” without consciously recognizing these strategies. The unknown known is the automatic deployment of these coping mechanisms without explicit awareness.
Example: Faced with shaky job security, you might save more money, and get thrifty without explicitly acknowledging the uncertainty influencing your financial decisions.
Miscommunication: In cases of miscommunication, you may have ingrained communication patterns that unintentionally lead to misunderstandings or misinterpretations.
Example: Your boomer boss uses many exclamation marks in their emails to convey enthusiasm and friendliness, but it translates to stress and urgency on your end.
Biases: In situations where you may have preconceived notions already, your decision-making could be influenced by overriding the given knowledge at hand with a cognitive/confirmation bias.
Example: You choose your own route to drive home because you “know the roads”, discarding the suggested routes from the GPS that are seemingly faster.
Triggers: Emotional triggers, tied to specific events or experiences, can prompt automatic emotional responses. You you may not understand why your response was such until you associate responses with their respective triggers.
Example: You bombed your highschool TED talk and now unconcsiously avoid professional roles that involve public speaking, therefore influencing career opportunities.
Heuristics: Decision-making heuristics, like relying on rules of thumb or mental shortcuts, operate beneath conscious awareness and influence our “gut” choices in many cases.
Example: When shopping for clothes, you consistently pick items in your favorite color, although your wardrobe is already filled with similar pieces. You resort to the familiar.
While Rumsfield argues that “unknown unknowns” pose the most difficult problems, I would say that “unknown knowns” pose a larger threat to our decision making solely because they exist on the pretense of human error. All of the categories I listed above have a myriad of examples tied to them, each based on the individuality of our experiences and personalities. Another prime example of an “unknown known” would be the Imposter Syndrome: the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. People who deal with Imposter Syndrome often doubt their own abilities and/or communicate with prefixes such as “I know I’m not the best but-.” These are examples of uncertainty and miscommunication within an “unknown known.”
Going back to the visual-matrix, we can see that “unknown knowns” are where we have the knowledge, but are unaware that we have it. Much like the characters in the Wizard of Oz, walking on the Yellow Brick Road allows us to clear blind spots, seek self-awareness and uncover “unknown knowns.” By recognizing and understanding the impact of uncertainty, miscommunication, biases, triggers, and heuristics, we empower ourselves to minimize human error in the event of knowledge formation and decision-making.
We know the answers, we’re just not asking ourselves the right questions.
link dump
This month’s links are brought to you by WePresent by WeTransfer - they tell short stories of creativity and share vignettes written by talented artists. #NotAnAd
how to avoid creative burnout
tender visuals from Lahore
a manifesto on self-improvement
does creativity evolve with age?
a Tanzanian film about Tanzanian films
As a follow up from last-month’s piece on social media addiction: I redownloaded Instagram on my phone and I’m learning how to have a better relationship with the app and with social media overall. I’ve found that keeping the app off of my homepage and not even opening the reels tab, helps a bunch. I also found this unique piece on how to use custom css to enhance your social media experience. I will test it out and report back to you.
That’s all I’ve got for now! Like I said, I promise 12 letters this year, along with some other surprises along the way. Thank you for reading loaf of thought and supporting the mayhem that lives inside my mind.
Bru what a read. Enjoyed every second of it. Immensely thankful for the friction created from saving that bird all those years ago :)