oct '22
Oh dear friends, welcome to Q4 of 2022. Somehow we made it to October and I couldn’t be more excited. This is my favorite month and I don’t usually have to explain why… (fantastic weather, my birthday, halloween, best sunsets, etc etc) For the last couple months, I’ve been keeping close tabs on my closest friends and family and it seems that good times are aligning in the month of October. Without sounding like an astrologist or celebrating the end of Mercury Retrograde, I personally have a hunch that this October will kick-off a positive quarter and renew the feeling of hope with which we began the summer.
i’m feeling lucky
Are you sick of hearing me say how great the monthly playlist is? Good. Ignore me and listen to this month’s set of tunes. (October special: 10 extra songs!)
If you don’t love it, I’ll refund all the time you put into listening; that’s the Loaf of Thought Guarantee. If you do love it, drop me a line! Share your favorite song!
[Archive playlist can be found here, and in my spotify bio]
inside out / “the good kind of anger”
No, this won’t be another segment on a Disney/Pixar movie and no, I won’t try to throw some random animated symbolism at you. But I’ve been feeling a lot of interesting emotions and when writing about them, I realize that the only movie that downright explains the emotions is Inside Out. I haven’t seen the flick, nor do I have a good grasp on the storyline… All I know is there are emotions stuck inside a head. Which is exactly the situation I’m in!
In the last month, I’ve been working hard to set my own schedules for work, food, sleep, exercise, side hustles and fun. Among it all, I’ve been struggling with my photography and finding a way to prove its worthiness within my routine. As I’ve written before, it’s very frustrating to be a slave to the algorithm and blindly throw “content” at a following that turns a blind eye. But nonetheless, photography is my foremost passion and it truly motivates me to create more, no matter the likes, comments and shares. While doing so, I’ve come to feel a range of emotions from anger to elation to dejection. I felt dejected because of the silence absorbed by the walls of social media and how my art was just disappearing in an endless scroll of pixels. It made me feel incredibly lonely. I also felt elated, at times, because of the new skills I’m learning and because of certain small victories. When I eat four healthy meals in a day and get to see my loved ones consistently without sacrificing my solo time, I feel elated. The routine brings me happiness. But then comes anger. The anger that comes from watching time move slow and sometimes to fast. This anger is fueled by the world’s inability to recognize talent. My anger can even be triggered by a dusty hallway floor that must be vaccuumed before all other tasks are even thought of. But I love this anger. I love being angry.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized how anger doesn’t have to be a negative emotion. Anger is often projected onto others in mean ways and ends up manifesting a little devil inside each of us. But in reality, anger has many positive side effects:
The “fight” in “fight or flight” comes from the idea that humans are wired to use anger (and fear) to their benefit in survival mode. Anger drives us to be vigilant and sharpens our focus.
Anger causes physical and emotional pain. And so the discharge we get by releasing that anger can really calm the nerves.
Anger motivates us. When we find a problem that needs desperate solving and it furiates us so much that it hasn’t been solved, we channel anger into motivation in order to fasttrack the solution to that problem.
While there are numerous other benefits to anger, I tend to use anger to my benefit in ways like the examples mention above. I have always been a competitive lad; so when it comes to a friendly game of pick-up soccer, small defeats and losses anger me in minute ways and therefore force me to fight harder to win the game. Aside from the soccer pitch, little things in daily life can annoy any one of us, and those annoyances will build up towards anger. These can be a stubbed toe, an unecessarily mean text, a dollar stuck in a vending machine, too many red lights on a drive, and so on. For me, a simple workout, bike ride, or frisbee toss can wash over those moments and discharge the build-up of anger within my nerves. And aside from the smaller hiccups, the larger problems in my world act as catalysts of motivation. The anger that I develop from having low social media engagement or inadequate creativity, motivates me to work harder on my craft and strive for perfection.
The truth is, anger doesn’t have to be this Hulk-like monster locked inside and only come out when we truly want to unleash our wrath on someone or something. I have and still am learning to recycle my negative emotions into something more positive and productive. I also don’t believe in suppressing emotions because with most things in life, the proper balance of happy/sad, anger/excitement, courage/fear is what allows us to develop to full potential. But the more I learn to understand my own emotions, I can identify trends and then channel those emotions in different ways.
wreck it ralph
OK OK OK, Listen up. I know I said no cheesy Disney interpretations but as I finished writing about “the good kind of angry”, I realized that it’s just like the storyline of Wreck-It Ralph!!! (Which happens to be one of my favorite animated films) Ralph begins his character arc as the “bad” guy in an arcade game and comes to deal with the existential crisis of having to always be “bad.” Across the course of the story, he realizes that his pre-programmed anger can be channeled in more positive and constructive (pun intended) ways. While Ralph and Rish might have different character arcs, it’s not hard to draw similarities in how anger can be good sometimes. I’ll let y’all do the rest of the thinking now.
(Absolutely no apologies for this Disney-inspired after-thought on anger)
don’t forget about today
Since I started my full-time job a couple months ago, i’ve been noticing time move a little faster and steadier. It used to be that one week would pass slowly and the next would fly by. But nowadays, they all fly by and it’s really hard to keep all my tasks in check. Furthermore, it’s very difficult to know what to do with my time when I’m not being tasked by someone else. When the workday ends, do I get to relax on my couch for a couple hours and just watch tv or must I pursue my passions or exercise before I lose daylight? It’s like “imposter-syndrome-adjacent”, where I feel like I deserve to take a break every now and then, but it also feels like a waste! While I assume that part of that diptych sentiment comes from the capitalistic mindset of this country, I am almost certain that the majority of it stems from my own intrinsic desire to work more and stay constantly productive. If you’ve read my previous letters, you must know that I value my time highly. I have written about the balance of time-money-effort and what not solely because I am in an eternal search for where time is best used. These past two months, I have been rewriting what I understand and value of time.
I’ve linked this video before but I want to reference it again because I really like the visual aspect of what time means to Casey Neistat. I am not at the point in my life where I have the responsibilities or duties that Casey had, but I view my time in a similar fashion. I also am not so - for a lack of better words - crazy about segmenting my day. Why? Well I work an old-fashioned day job from 9 am to 5 pm. I have to cook and clean myself and my living quarters. When my dayjob ends, I have to use my time to pursue my true passions. I have to sleep a reasonable amount or else I cannot do the aforementioned tasks. These are all things that I think “normal people” would have to do too. I’m not special by any means. So why is it so hard to just stick to this routine and go on with life? Why am I constantly searching for more things to fill my schedule and spice up my timeline?
These questions are partly unanswered but I’m slowly learning that routine, monotony, and consistency can be positive things. The things that fill our day don’t need to be extraordinary to be fulfilling. Our day can be extremely ordinary and in that way, it will be extraordinary. My good friend visited me a while back and wrote me a note before he left:
The quote says:
Normal day,
let me be aware of the treasure you are,
let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by,
in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
- Mary Jean Irion
While I continue to ponder the meaning of today and tomorrow and how they fit into my little continuous simulations, I appreciate the symbolism this poem provides. I love the humility it portrays as we all search for some rare and perfect tomorrow. I love the importance given to “normal day”. I pinned this note up right above my desk and I look at it every day. It’s a constant reminder that no matter how boring, mundane, imperfect, rough or normal my day is… it musn’t be forgotten.
link drop
please continue to educate yourself on the situation in Iran
5 days of incredible music
a billionare talks about imposter syndrome
close the toilet lid, then flush
another interesting newsletter for your reading pleasure
*Sigh* Another day, another week, another month. No I’m not tired of writing these newsletters. Like I said earlier, I’m trying to embrace the routine and monotony of life and this newsletter allows me to lean into that consistently. I guess this month’s task would be to do the same in your life! Appreciate the moments of normality around your daily tasks and pat yourself on the back for doing them, no matter the begrudging faces you make while doing them. And as always, please reach out to me if you extracted any value from this month’s newsletter. I love hearing what y’all have to say and it allows me to meter my content accordingly. (I am the AI algorithm and you are my little rats) (Laugh, please)
Now please read my very consistent closing line:
Great read machi
October is off to a great start now that I'm all caught up!!