addiction, adoration, and admiration

december '23

I deleted the Instagram app about a month ago and it’s been nothing short of amazing. As much as I loved seeing story updates from close friends, reacting to funny DMs and sharing things of my own, it didn’t make sense to spend 90 minutes daily (more like 3hrs) on a silly little app. I’d rather play a full Premier League match against Chelsea by myself and somehow win. I digress, but the point remains - Instagram conned me into spending hours of my daily screen time strolling and watching reels. There’s great value to be had on the app, don’t get me wrong. Certain “creators” are absolutely amazing storytellers and others have a knack for eye-catching reels, but much like finding a parking spot at Costco on a Saturday morning, those bits of quality content on Instagram are far and few.

I’d love to test and implement a healthier relationship with the platform to where I can reverse the ratio of good-content-intake to mindless bs. If you’ve tried something similar or have struck a balance with app-addiction, do let me know.

That being said, screen time was down for an average of 23% in November and I still couldn’t get this newsletter out in the first week of Dec. Pfft

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i’m feeling lucky

As December approached, I felt that everything was moving too fast. So, this month’s playlist slows things down as we embrace the cold of holiday season. I chose tracks that had notes of jazz, soul, and old time r&b… let me know what you think!

[Archive playlist can be found here, and in my spotify bio]

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in the negative

“White space” or “negative space” is a design fundamental that is used to increase legibility, heirarchy and organization. Graphic designers may use it on movie posters while interior designers may use it when placing art on a wall.

Even photographers use the concept of negative space in order to draw viewers’ eyes to specific things and frame subjects, like this photo I shared a few months ago or this photo I posted on instagram. Shameless plug, I know. But please read more about white space here: White Space Fundamentals in Design.

I think this concept of negative space makes a lot of sense, though. When you look at that movie poster for The Lobster, your eyes are drawn to the man’s head and his hands, followed by the title of the movie, followed by the subtlety of the shapes made by the empty space within his embrace. It tells a story without giving much away yet it leaves room for imagination the viewers’ end. Similarly, the dining room features a small piece of art hung off-center and low, and clearly looks too small to be the main piece of that wall. But the intent is to bring awareness to the height of the space and allow for people to sit on that bench and become part of this dining nook’s vignette. The designer could have hung a giant Leon Dabo painting or populated the wall with 16 images of Moroccan doors but it would completely change the design intent.

Which brings me to my point of why white/negative space is so important. Some of you are designers and you may have fallen asleep with the previous paragraphs… But I’d like to push the term into other territories if you’ll allow me. While white space clearly exists as a fundamental in design and visually critical scenarios, I would argue that it exists in everyday life as well - especially in the lives of those who dabble in creative endeavors. In our everyday lives, think of moments in which negative space can manifest in terms of time. It might be the time you spend daydreaming at your work desk, the moments of silence at a loud party when there’s a lull in the chit-chat, or a brief pause at an extra-long red light. Just as a designer carefully considers the balance between objects and empty space in a room or on a page, our daily lives also benefit from moments of simplicity and quietness. These moments can enhance our productivity, invigorate our creativity or purely ease the chaos of the mind.

I recall moments in grade school where we were given hours over a week to simply tinker, draw and think freely without a deadline or grade attached. Not quite recess, but more like quiet free time. I loved these moments - they called for such inquisition and random exploration of thoughts. As adults with busy lives and umpteen responsibilities, these prescribed moments are rare and almost unheard of. We never set aside time to do nothing. Maybe I should speak for myself but I find it very tough to be alright with empty spaces on my calendar. It seems like the antithesis to uber-productivity, creativity and ultimately, success. I fear that if I don’t spend every moment of my day doing something productive and working towards a particular goal, then I may fall behind, day-after-day. But in reality, the moments that I spend just staring at the ceiling on a Saturday afternoon or staring at the rotating leftovers in the microwave are where I can feel my mind wandering into creative gullies.

I think white space in life is underrated and we should give it more thought. White space exists as a design fundamental to enhance other parts of the design. Similarly, I feel that we can and should carve out time to do less, so that when we have to do more, we can do more… better. I tried to google this concept and was underwhelmed by the responses. This article seemed promising but much like a maximalist design aesthetic, I was overwhelmed by the acronyms and random anecdotes. I’ll share the first line of the article (since the rest sucks):

“People inform me they are busy as if it is a badge of honor.”

Yes, I agree, sometimes I feel it is a badge of honor. But I don’t want that to be the case. I am sensing that there is a difference between being busy and being productive and when you split the difference, you’re left with two things: that badge of honor and a little bit of white space. That white space is precious but when compromised, we transition from actual productivity into (potentially performative) busyness. We don’t need to be any busier - we’re all busy as hell. Maybe we just need to prioritize a little more negative space in our daily lives to enhance the productivity and creativity we really seek. Just like in design, where the right amount of white space can make the important elements stand out, in life, having moments of simplicity and calm can make our most meaningful experiences and ideas shine.

So the next time you have 15 mins before your next Zoom call or a moment to yourself in a crowded room, embrace the negative space. Sit in it, roll around in it, and let yourself sink into the possibilities it may hold.

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it’s not about the office

I’m happy to say that after 3+ years of dating and countless attempts to convince her, Anya has finally started watching The Office. For some odd reason, it makes me emotional to think of this stage in our relationship, almost more monumental than my own graduation after 5 years of architecture school. It’s like watching a baby walk for the first time - I’m stunned, to say the least. within a matter of weeks she’s already on season 4 and i’m falling in love with her and the show all over again.

It’s remarkable how much of my life I invested in the office, from late night reruns in highschool to background noise while I slaved away for those 5 years in design studios - it’s something that informs/influences a part of my humor and comedic identity. There’s no shame to be had, as much as many of you might already be judging me - as cliche and mainstream as The Office is, I truly enjoy it and I don’t need someone else’s validation for that. But, on the same note, it means that much more when someone else truly connects with something that I truly connect with.

It’s not about The Office itself, but rather the transitive connection that now ensues because Anya and I share one more thing in common. But this thing we share is more than just a liking for Khruangbin, it’s a larger deed in my persona’s real estate - or a heavier folder in my persona’s hard drive. Over the course of our lives, we pick up on interesting hobbies and unique quirks that make each one of us unique (read my piece on the human hard drive). And without stepping into a philosophical space, these bits of our identity hold different values, therefore making it so much more meaningful when we find another individual who shares similar value in a specific bit.

texts from Anya as she became more invested in The Office

As I think about this transitive identity property among other close relationships, I find that it takes time to be bought into exploring someone else’s quirks. It takes time to find value in other’s interests and evaluate the possibility of opening a new folder in your own hard drive to store their quirks too - but that’s what close relationships are all about. When I first started watching The Office, it was just another tv show that I binged to completion but over time, I grew more fond of the characters, writing, design, and more. I’ve seen all the behind-the-scenes, watched all the bloopers, listened to all the podcasts - shamelessly, I know too much about The Office. What I didn’t know is how much I would love if Anya watched the show. I didn’t realize how much joy I would get out of saying “yeeeash” or doing the Jim-smirk to someone who just… gets it. Maybe the 3+ years of flatlined references and petulant convincing was worth it.

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through my eyes

taken at a Men I Trust concert at Stubbs in Austin | Nov 7, 2023

Anya and I went to see Men I Trust in concert last month! Using a small Sony point-and-shoot that she bought in Colombia and secretly adore, I caught this frame of Emma, the lead vocalist. Not a whole lot of photos in November but I liked the backlit ethereal-ness of this one. Which reminds me, I still have rolls to develop from the Khruangbin concert from last year… good lord, someone please remind me that I like taking photos.

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no selfies with my heroes

We’ve all heard the phrase “don’t meet your heroes”, right? In short, it’s a phrase coined to warn people of the reality that celebrities, popular figures and entertainment folks are humans at their core - humans that fuck up, make glaring mistakes, have bad habits, do bad things and whatnot. You can find a million examples of how people have met their heroes and all their idolizing opinions come crashing down soon after. We tend to put certain folks on pedestals because of the value that they share with us. We love Michelle Obama and view her as Mother Earth because she stands for the right things and is married to the “best president the US has ever had.” I don’t disagree that she and Barack are seemingly amazing people and revolutionized certain parts of the US since 2008, but we don’t know them personally. We cannot idolize Barack Obama just because his 2023 list of songs has 3 that made our Spotify Wrapped Top 5. The things we value in certain public figures shouldn’t equate to the amount of love and respect we give them - there has to be some distance between the reality of their humanness and the amount we parade behind them.

As as kid, I had many heroes, ranging from my third grade teacher who walked around with a camera at every event to Lionel Messi and his life-size sticker that was plastered on my bedroom wall. I adore these people and I still do, but with age comes realization and development of the understanding that we are all humans. I realize that they have influenced me in valuable ways but I don’t feel the need view them as gods.

I would like to add one small nuance to this phrase: a selfie. Nowadays, a lot of folks would love to get a selfie with their hero - it’s a quick way to have a lasting and tangible memory, especially one that can be shared on every social media to prove that you met and took a blurry photo with a bald UFC fighter turned podcast host. The thing that irks me about the selfie is not only the silly act of taking a front facing camera photo with someone you admire a lot, but the idea that it’s a stamp of time at which you met them. Time is an important factor when we consider a lot of our heroes to be people that have illustrious careers that span decades. In the likes of Kanye West, Aziz Ansari, Casey Neistat, and Steve Jobs, we find figures who have made incredible dents in their respective fields and endeavors… but their character is still human and time is the proof of it all. By the time of his death, Steve Jobs was and is still regarded as one of the greatest figures in revolutionizing computers and smart phones, but let’s not forget how he treated certain employees and screwed Woz many times over. I love Kanye’s early work and say he’s one of the most influential rappers in the early 2000/2010s, but we all know what he’s made of himself since then and it’s an absolute travesty. It’s partly about distancing his music from his identity but even that is tough when it’s the same voice on Family Business and Fox News. Casey Neistat still stands as a personal hero for everything from storytelling to editing to style, but wearing an Israel hat during the NYC Marathon and donating to Israel 2 months into Gaza’s turmoil is just purely insensitive and ill-informed. Aziz wrote and produced one of the most refreshing and evocative tv shows I’ve seen but allegations about SA don’t land lightly.

Humans change, and change happens with time. I’m not saying don’t take a selfie with your hero - to you, it might just be a selfie. It really is just a picture after all; it ain’t that deep. But I find comfort in the bit of distance I keep between me and my heroes. That space allows me to view them as humans who have gone on to do amazing things and accomplish things I dream of. In a way, the removal of that pedestal allows me to appreciate their achievements while acknowledging their flaws and human nature. It's a delicate balance between admiration and understanding that they, like all human beings, are subject to the passage of time and the inevitable changes it brings. Heroes aren’t static; they evolve, just like the rest of us. And in that evolution lies the true essence of their humanity.

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link dump

how does spotify wrapped work?

apple’s events aren’t just “shot on iphone”

the best rendition of la vie en rose i’ve ever heard

a silly video showing the power of laughter

a beautiful passage on consciousness

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At the start of this year, I was quite averse to the usual turn-of-the-calendar-self-reflection and resolution planning; I wish I hadn’t been. While it’s overwhelming to take a glance at a full twelve months and plan another, it’s better to have an idea of where you came from and where to go. Sarita Walsh put together this really simple organizer and I thought I’d share it to simplify your thoughts as we approach 2024.

It’s been a tough-tasked pleasure to write these newsletters every month. I write all the time and have hundreds of small snippets in my Notion tabs but compiling my mindchatter to an (now substantial!) audience takes a little more work. But I’m excited to continue putting in that work for 2024 and aim for a full set of 12 letters.

Thank you for being ardent readers and supporters of loaf of thought! Here’s to more creativity and productivity in the new year - see you on the other side.

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have a lovely December, folks.