I agree with everything you’re saying here and the question I have in response is do you feel that life has meaning? I’m more absurdist in my thought tbh, and it’s through similar reflection, feelings and ideas that the charge of “needing to survive” isn’t one that fills with me with joy but rather a perverted sense of responsibility.
I do see beauty every now and then and think okay there’s at least beauty, but there’s a hell of a lot more bullshit and that’s something I really wonder how most people cope with.
Oh you’re absolutely right - that sense of ‘needing to survive’ is so burdensome sometimes. I’m like “on fuck, is this just an endless cycle of micro battles?” and it takes work to see even the positives as positives.
I think it’s only when you’re zoomed into the sun’s path, watching all the planets and emotions dip and bob, that life has meaning. You can SEE the meaning, in its movement and energy. But when you zoom out, it’s a flat line - and I assume that means we should feel things on a granular scale?
Idk if that helps me digest the whole thing, but maybe cope with the baby steps.
agreed on the scale concept but at the same time i can't help but feel disillusioned at the idea that i'm supposed to marvel at things like flowers etc every day to keep me going for another few decades
sounds like you're in the same boat as me, where all of this seems unsustainable and perverted - plus, you mention decades and idek if we'll make it that far. if it's any consolation, i'm clinging to this 'sun thing' for a month or two before I need a new ark to marvel on.
But I feel that part of what we owe ourselves is knowing when to zoom in and zoom out, letting scale play in our favor. Some days I wait for someone else to write an inspiring piece or sing a song or post a video that'll add some fuel to my tank. And other days I'm hoping for an unusually warm day in January, which is when I have to zoom out and wait for spring.
(unrelated, but for what it's worth, the bg color of your substack page is beautiful)
that image of the sun really sparked a bunch of thoughts i feel inspired to write about. the idea of, does the sun know where it’s going, is just so powerful. thank u for sharing
this was an absolutely beautiful read. i loved the quotes you added in from authors and scientists. i loved each different perspective you gave about life and its meaning <3
My heart is so full right now. I don't know where the sun is taking us; your words, however, felt like a reassurance that maybe feeling is the most important thing here. To help each other out. To live, live, live. Thank you for writing🌻
"Maybe we're not supposed to understand. Maybe we're just supposed to feel, to experience, to let the waves of joy and sorrow and everything in between wash over us like emotional radiation. And who knows, maybe the sun knows where it’s taking us; towards a place where tears are sacred, laughter is a prayer, and emotions are a just medium of translation."
I hope things get better for you. Where the sun is taking us, I don't know and we'll probably never know. And maybe the point is to not know, but to keep trying, to keep living even if some days all we can do is cry.
This piece is gorgeous - prose, idea, structure, everything. So glad it read it today
so happy to hear this, ty for reading!
I agree with everything you’re saying here and the question I have in response is do you feel that life has meaning? I’m more absurdist in my thought tbh, and it’s through similar reflection, feelings and ideas that the charge of “needing to survive” isn’t one that fills with me with joy but rather a perverted sense of responsibility.
I do see beauty every now and then and think okay there’s at least beauty, but there’s a hell of a lot more bullshit and that’s something I really wonder how most people cope with.
Oh you’re absolutely right - that sense of ‘needing to survive’ is so burdensome sometimes. I’m like “on fuck, is this just an endless cycle of micro battles?” and it takes work to see even the positives as positives.
I think it’s only when you’re zoomed into the sun’s path, watching all the planets and emotions dip and bob, that life has meaning. You can SEE the meaning, in its movement and energy. But when you zoom out, it’s a flat line - and I assume that means we should feel things on a granular scale?
Idk if that helps me digest the whole thing, but maybe cope with the baby steps.
agreed on the scale concept but at the same time i can't help but feel disillusioned at the idea that i'm supposed to marvel at things like flowers etc every day to keep me going for another few decades
sounds like you're in the same boat as me, where all of this seems unsustainable and perverted - plus, you mention decades and idek if we'll make it that far. if it's any consolation, i'm clinging to this 'sun thing' for a month or two before I need a new ark to marvel on.
But I feel that part of what we owe ourselves is knowing when to zoom in and zoom out, letting scale play in our favor. Some days I wait for someone else to write an inspiring piece or sing a song or post a video that'll add some fuel to my tank. And other days I'm hoping for an unusually warm day in January, which is when I have to zoom out and wait for spring.
(unrelated, but for what it's worth, the bg color of your substack page is beautiful)
This was a fantastic read man! haven't read something personally moving in a long time, thank you
so happy to hear that, thank you!
wow this is so lovely ❤️❤️i agree with a lot of what you said here and you put it so beautifully
To a black hole
that image of the sun really sparked a bunch of thoughts i feel inspired to write about. the idea of, does the sun know where it’s going, is just so powerful. thank u for sharing
I really liked the how you approached this essay<3
glad you enjoyed it!
this was an absolutely beautiful read. i loved the quotes you added in from authors and scientists. i loved each different perspective you gave about life and its meaning <3
thank you sm!
This was so so touching and needed - brilliant :)
love to hear that :)
The inexplicable sadness while folding laundry. That touched me. Great piece, rish
Uff right, it's the antidote to warm clothes straight out of the dryer. thanks for reading!
Gorgeous essay 🖤
thank you Mei <3
My heart is so full right now. I don't know where the sun is taking us; your words, however, felt like a reassurance that maybe feeling is the most important thing here. To help each other out. To live, live, live. Thank you for writing🌻
and your words are the reassurance that maybe I should keep writing. thank you :)
"Maybe we're not supposed to understand. Maybe we're just supposed to feel, to experience, to let the waves of joy and sorrow and everything in between wash over us like emotional radiation. And who knows, maybe the sun knows where it’s taking us; towards a place where tears are sacred, laughter is a prayer, and emotions are a just medium of translation."
"Things happen, our minds think one thing and our hearts react to another. The emotions come and go, bound to some elastic string of time."
"My therapist used to tell me that my only purpose in life was to survive."
I hope things get better for you. Where the sun is taking us, I don't know and we'll probably never know. And maybe the point is to not know, but to keep trying, to keep living even if some days all we can do is cry.