I prefer that Mexicans properly pronounce my name dah-veed than mangle the anglophone version of day-vehd. (Which usually ends up sounding like dahy-veeed.) But my wife is insistent that her name should be pronounced with the Castilian ee-řřees no matter where she is. (Some older people have gone years thinking name was Edie until they figure out it’s Iris, like the flower.)
I sense that my wife does’t want to feel compelled to adapt her cultural identity to someone else’s context. And that makes sense, I suppose, when she’s living in another hegemonic culture full of stereotypes about Mexicans, latinas, etc. For me, I have little attachment to my name wherever I am. Maybe I’m more individualistic, or maybe it is some kind of white privilege, or both. 🤷♂️I want to be recognized for my essence, my personality, my energy … something more ineffable than the pronunciation of my name. (Or worse, it’s biblical roots! I got curious and looked up the multiple meanings of Rishab; very interesting!)
When my great-great grandpa immigrated from Switzerland, they changed the spelling of his last name from Rickli to Rikli at Ellis Island. The reason, as passed down generations, was careless immigration officers. But I dug up later that he was also escaping some family drama, so I wonder. 🤔
Among my younger sister’s artist friends, it seems like half of them choose nicknames to emphasize their cultural heritage and others choose names without any cultural heritage whatsoever. Maybe we all hold those competing desires?
Hahaha I love reading all the pronounciations you typed out. Competing desires for your own name is one thing and the other is more about the influence of your habitat and how those habitats change over time. Aka: your name being pronounced day-vehd now but if you stayed in the US, it would’ve never evolved in such a way.
I think my desire ends up being some arbitrary principle of accuracy? Idk why, but I definitely don’t feel the detachment from my name like you do from some “white individualism” thing. Idk.
Where did Sasaki come from? Bc my google searches are leading me to Japan.
Inherent struggle between having people pronouncing G-au-tham or just saying fuck it and pronouncing my name as Gotham. At least I get a lot of Batman jokes from the second option. Loved this post machi ❤️
I had a conversation with my mom about the move from a small, rural and mostly walkable city to San Antonio. I expressed that I hated it, because I used to walk for hours everyday and now I have to drive if I wish to go anywhere. On top of driving, I don’t feel safe enough in the city to do much by myself. A femme person walking the street alone in Texas looks like the perfect target to anyone with poor intentions.
I miss being able to walk where I wished, when I wished, and not have to worry about my own safety. A privilege I didn’t realize that I had until I arrived here. So many young people complain about small cities, that there is nothing to do, but I disagree. I think I am more trapped and isolated in San Antonio than I ever have been in towns with one Walmart and two restaurants.
Smaller communities have more events and public spaces that are accessible and usually free. That is my very stubborn attitude and a hill that I will die on. (Lol)
Trapped by safety is such a real and growing sentiment - i.e. the bear vs man debate. And in Texas, all these safety hypotheticals become realistic/justified concerns.
But I think the real issue people have with small towns is the variety of experience and people. We (even I) urge people to seek discomfort and experience variety in life, sometimes often in bustling cities. What usually suffers in that process is walkability, which sucks, but we don’t prioritize it until we do (if that makes any sense).
I was witness to the entire conversation with Abdul but chose not to interrupt or comment. (Sometimes mom knows to stay quiet 😂)
Loved the narration . Abdul was a nice guy and it was a comfortable ride in his Honda Pilot.
What a coincidence..i woke up this morning thinking - kids these days don’t hang out in the streets or neighborhoods.. teenagers and young adults spend much of their day with devices and virtual connections. Human connections are not casual anymore and that sucks.
I took a break during my mundane weekend chores to read and it also gave me much needed recharge . thank you
Love this article. I live 20 minutes away from St Louis and made sure our house has a yard and a decent sized backyard for my nieces and nephews. A front porch to linger on, a back patio for grilling. A bakery and ice cream shop up the street, hills to ride their bikes down. They all love to gather here and can’t quite put their finger on why……
Also I’ve been to a concert with a mosh pit. I had on humongous black hoop earrings. I thought everything was fine and then I heard someone scream “MOSSSSSSHHHHH” and then a “OMG ASHE GET OUT OF THERE!!!”
Anyhoo by the time a friend lifted me out I only had one earring.
The first time I moshed, I was petrified. Glad you got to keep one earring, now it’s a nostalgic keepsake lol
Your home sounds so special - like you’re single-handedly manufacturing a ‘third place’ for the next generation. Your nieces and nephews will tell wild stories about stuff that went down at Auntie Ashe’s house!
Rish (ab) , loved the candid notes and the flow of your thoughts. It is interesting that every conversation we have can be taken at "face value" or you can "read into" it. most are fleeting conversations. Most people, 1st gen immigrant in particular, will only have open conversation with folks when they feel secure and the conversation with Abdul seems like one of those.
I liked your thought about kids and outdoor activity. The bane of hand held devices (phones) will drive the isolation and loneliness of kids more than anything else. the ability to balance a kids time with more outdoor activity and less "screen time" will be the key to success. I hope the next gen of parents make that conscious choice, to ensure that kids don't fall into that trap of being smitten by the screens, and make good and balanced choices for their kids. !! Keep your thoughts fluid!!
Yeah I’m really glad Abdul felt comfortable enough to open up so quickly.
And yes I’m always curious of modern parents’ take on screen time.. there’s a time and a place but it’s weird when 6 year old kids have iPhones now. Balance is key for sure!
I prefer that Mexicans properly pronounce my name dah-veed than mangle the anglophone version of day-vehd. (Which usually ends up sounding like dahy-veeed.) But my wife is insistent that her name should be pronounced with the Castilian ee-řřees no matter where she is. (Some older people have gone years thinking name was Edie until they figure out it’s Iris, like the flower.)
I sense that my wife does’t want to feel compelled to adapt her cultural identity to someone else’s context. And that makes sense, I suppose, when she’s living in another hegemonic culture full of stereotypes about Mexicans, latinas, etc. For me, I have little attachment to my name wherever I am. Maybe I’m more individualistic, or maybe it is some kind of white privilege, or both. 🤷♂️I want to be recognized for my essence, my personality, my energy … something more ineffable than the pronunciation of my name. (Or worse, it’s biblical roots! I got curious and looked up the multiple meanings of Rishab; very interesting!)
When my great-great grandpa immigrated from Switzerland, they changed the spelling of his last name from Rickli to Rikli at Ellis Island. The reason, as passed down generations, was careless immigration officers. But I dug up later that he was also escaping some family drama, so I wonder. 🤔
Among my younger sister’s artist friends, it seems like half of them choose nicknames to emphasize their cultural heritage and others choose names without any cultural heritage whatsoever. Maybe we all hold those competing desires?
Hahaha I love reading all the pronounciations you typed out. Competing desires for your own name is one thing and the other is more about the influence of your habitat and how those habitats change over time. Aka: your name being pronounced day-vehd now but if you stayed in the US, it would’ve never evolved in such a way.
I think my desire ends up being some arbitrary principle of accuracy? Idk why, but I definitely don’t feel the detachment from my name like you do from some “white individualism” thing. Idk.
Where did Sasaki come from? Bc my google searches are leading me to Japan.
Inherent struggle between having people pronouncing G-au-tham or just saying fuck it and pronouncing my name as Gotham. At least I get a lot of Batman jokes from the second option. Loved this post machi ❤️
“Mothum” will forever be the best version of your name :)
I had a conversation with my mom about the move from a small, rural and mostly walkable city to San Antonio. I expressed that I hated it, because I used to walk for hours everyday and now I have to drive if I wish to go anywhere. On top of driving, I don’t feel safe enough in the city to do much by myself. A femme person walking the street alone in Texas looks like the perfect target to anyone with poor intentions.
I miss being able to walk where I wished, when I wished, and not have to worry about my own safety. A privilege I didn’t realize that I had until I arrived here. So many young people complain about small cities, that there is nothing to do, but I disagree. I think I am more trapped and isolated in San Antonio than I ever have been in towns with one Walmart and two restaurants.
Smaller communities have more events and public spaces that are accessible and usually free. That is my very stubborn attitude and a hill that I will die on. (Lol)
Trapped by safety is such a real and growing sentiment - i.e. the bear vs man debate. And in Texas, all these safety hypotheticals become realistic/justified concerns.
But I think the real issue people have with small towns is the variety of experience and people. We (even I) urge people to seek discomfort and experience variety in life, sometimes often in bustling cities. What usually suffers in that process is walkability, which sucks, but we don’t prioritize it until we do (if that makes any sense).
I was witness to the entire conversation with Abdul but chose not to interrupt or comment. (Sometimes mom knows to stay quiet 😂)
Loved the narration . Abdul was a nice guy and it was a comfortable ride in his Honda Pilot.
What a coincidence..i woke up this morning thinking - kids these days don’t hang out in the streets or neighborhoods.. teenagers and young adults spend much of their day with devices and virtual connections. Human connections are not casual anymore and that sucks.
I took a break during my mundane weekend chores to read and it also gave me much needed recharge . thank you
Can’t wait to read the links
Mom chose to chime in only when necessary haha
Glad the piece resonated with you and you got a needed recharge :)
Now I’m mad about how we board planes
Love this article. I live 20 minutes away from St Louis and made sure our house has a yard and a decent sized backyard for my nieces and nephews. A front porch to linger on, a back patio for grilling. A bakery and ice cream shop up the street, hills to ride their bikes down. They all love to gather here and can’t quite put their finger on why……
Also I’ve been to a concert with a mosh pit. I had on humongous black hoop earrings. I thought everything was fine and then I heard someone scream “MOSSSSSSHHHHH” and then a “OMG ASHE GET OUT OF THERE!!!”
Anyhoo by the time a friend lifted me out I only had one earring.
Life is wild.
The first time I moshed, I was petrified. Glad you got to keep one earring, now it’s a nostalgic keepsake lol
Your home sounds so special - like you’re single-handedly manufacturing a ‘third place’ for the next generation. Your nieces and nephews will tell wild stories about stuff that went down at Auntie Ashe’s house!
You should try going to a concert where there is moshing. It’s fun every once in a while! Makes you feel like a kid.
I’ll need you to invite me to one soon :)
Rish (ab) , loved the candid notes and the flow of your thoughts. It is interesting that every conversation we have can be taken at "face value" or you can "read into" it. most are fleeting conversations. Most people, 1st gen immigrant in particular, will only have open conversation with folks when they feel secure and the conversation with Abdul seems like one of those.
I liked your thought about kids and outdoor activity. The bane of hand held devices (phones) will drive the isolation and loneliness of kids more than anything else. the ability to balance a kids time with more outdoor activity and less "screen time" will be the key to success. I hope the next gen of parents make that conscious choice, to ensure that kids don't fall into that trap of being smitten by the screens, and make good and balanced choices for their kids. !! Keep your thoughts fluid!!
Yeah I’m really glad Abdul felt comfortable enough to open up so quickly.
And yes I’m always curious of modern parents’ take on screen time.. there’s a time and a place but it’s weird when 6 year old kids have iPhones now. Balance is key for sure!
I hope you liked Burlington, that’s where I live! I can pretty much guess where that photo was shot.
Burlington was lovely - I just regret not jumping in the lake!